A matter of life and death

Our words have power.  I'm sure y'all have heard that a million times before today, but it's true.  I think we don't always realize just how powerful our words are, especially when it comes to our husbands.  Ladies, we have the power to make or break our husbands.  It all comes down to our words.

There are many, many passages in the Bible which talk about the words we speak.  Proverbs 18:21 says "The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences" (NLT).  It's ours to choose whether we bring death or life to our husbands (or to anyone).  I think it is especially important that we are careful with the words we choose to use with our husbands.  (I think we should be careful with our words to everyone, but this post is specifically about marriages today.)  We're so comfortable in our own homes and with our families.  For most of us, our husband is our best friend.  We're comfy and we let our guard down because we are in our own space.  This is a good thing, but it also means that we don't always put the effort in that we should.  We don't think before we speak because we're comfortable.  We say things to our spouses we would never say to a casual acquaintance.  This should not be the case!  Our spouses deserve at least as much respect as the guy in the office next to yours; the teacher in the class next to you; the mom you sit next to at your Mother's Day Out group.  If you wouldn't say it to them, you shouldn't be saying it to your spouse.  Speaking harshly, negatively, disrespectfully to your spouse is a quick way to bring death to your relationship.  That's what the Proverb above says-- your words can bring life or death and if you speak with words of death you'll suffer the consequences.

And not just you, but your husband will suffer the consequences as well.  If you're berating your spouse, he'll start to believe what you say and act accordingly.  Sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy if you will.  If your words are disrespectful towards your husband, especially in public, you're bringing death to your husband.  Proverbs 12:4 says "A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones" (NLT).  Just as cancer can bring death, so do your disrespectful words.  They eat away at your husband until the spirit inside him withers and dies.

On the other hand, if you speak words of life, you lift your husband up!  When you support him and affirm him with your words, you empower your husband to rise above.  If you are affirming your husband and showing him that you place value on him it makes him strive to be worthy of that affirmation.  When you do so publicly it is a wonderful example of how a wife should treat her husband.  You are then "a crown" for your husband rather than a "cancer in his bones."  I would certainly rather be a crown to my husband!  I would never want to bring him death; it hurts my heart to even think about bringing death or pain to my husband.  Some of y'all bring death on a regular basis, and you probably don't realize the extent of the damage you're causing.

Our words are either death or they are life.  I know that I don't want to bring death to my husband and I'm sure y'all don't either.  Start examining what you say more closely; think before you speak, even- maybe especially- when you're comfortable in your setting.  Speak life!

One thing wives need to stop doing now

I've noticed a disturbing trend on both Facebook and Pinterest lately among some of my married friends.  It's been bothering me for a while now and it just seems like an issue that ought to be addressed.  Several of my married friends have been posting and pinning pictures of half-naked male models talking about how attractive these men are and how attracted they are to this type of man.  It's one thing for single women to drool over Greek god-like male figures, but it's quite another for a married woman to publicly talk about how attractive she finds men who are not her husband.  It is flat out disrespectful, not to mention hurtful, to the husbands.

In Ephesians 5, Paul is talking about marriage and how a husband and wife should treat each other.  The last thing he says in chapter 5 is  in regard to wives and I think it is particularly applicable to this situation.  He says, "So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33, NLT, emphasis added).  Ladies, it isn't optional.  We are told to respect our husbands.  It isn't always easy when they're behaving in ways contrary to what they ought, but that doesn't exempt us from living up to the way God wants us to treat them.  Posting and pinning pictures of men who are not our husbands is extremely disrespectful of our husbands and it can only do harm to our marriages.

Marriage is supposed to be sacred.  Certainly, we should treat it as though it were.  Once things like this start to creep in from the outside, it becomes a slippery slope.  At first, it's just a picture here and there.  Then perhaps it becomes going to women's clubs where men undress.  And then maybe it progresses to infidelity.  Ladies, it always starts small with something innocuous and once that small thing is a habit, we stop thinking of it as sin and we allow ourselves to get deeper into sin.  We have to be ever vigilant so that we don't let this kind of thing creep into our lives.

Think about how your would feel if the situation was reversed.  What if your husband was looking through a Playboy magazine and decided to get a subscription?  How would you feel?  If you're like me, you would feel betrayed, hurt, disrespected, and angry.  If you don't want the man you love to make you feel that way, then you sure shouldn't make him feel that way.

Perhaps you are thinking to yourself, "but my husband doesn't see what I post on Facebook or what I pin on Pinterest."  Maybe he doesn't.  But other people do.  People you are probably both friends with.  These people see how you treat your husband.  This is the example you are setting for them.  Likely not all of your friends are Christians.  We're supposed to be set apart from other people in this world so that others can see Jesus through us.  Treating your husband with such blatant disrespect is far from the example you should be setting.

Ladies, if this is you, please pray about it and consider how your actions affect your husband and those around you.  We all struggle with something, and sometimes we don't even realize how the things we do/say can be detrimental to our relationships.