A matter of life and death

Our words have power.  I'm sure y'all have heard that a million times before today, but it's true.  I think we don't always realize just how powerful our words are, especially when it comes to our husbands.  Ladies, we have the power to make or break our husbands.  It all comes down to our words.

There are many, many passages in the Bible which talk about the words we speak.  Proverbs 18:21 says "The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences" (NLT).  It's ours to choose whether we bring death or life to our husbands (or to anyone).  I think it is especially important that we are careful with the words we choose to use with our husbands.  (I think we should be careful with our words to everyone, but this post is specifically about marriages today.)  We're so comfortable in our own homes and with our families.  For most of us, our husband is our best friend.  We're comfy and we let our guard down because we are in our own space.  This is a good thing, but it also means that we don't always put the effort in that we should.  We don't think before we speak because we're comfortable.  We say things to our spouses we would never say to a casual acquaintance.  This should not be the case!  Our spouses deserve at least as much respect as the guy in the office next to yours; the teacher in the class next to you; the mom you sit next to at your Mother's Day Out group.  If you wouldn't say it to them, you shouldn't be saying it to your spouse.  Speaking harshly, negatively, disrespectfully to your spouse is a quick way to bring death to your relationship.  That's what the Proverb above says-- your words can bring life or death and if you speak with words of death you'll suffer the consequences.

And not just you, but your husband will suffer the consequences as well.  If you're berating your spouse, he'll start to believe what you say and act accordingly.  Sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy if you will.  If your words are disrespectful towards your husband, especially in public, you're bringing death to your husband.  Proverbs 12:4 says "A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones" (NLT).  Just as cancer can bring death, so do your disrespectful words.  They eat away at your husband until the spirit inside him withers and dies.

On the other hand, if you speak words of life, you lift your husband up!  When you support him and affirm him with your words, you empower your husband to rise above.  If you are affirming your husband and showing him that you place value on him it makes him strive to be worthy of that affirmation.  When you do so publicly it is a wonderful example of how a wife should treat her husband.  You are then "a crown" for your husband rather than a "cancer in his bones."  I would certainly rather be a crown to my husband!  I would never want to bring him death; it hurts my heart to even think about bringing death or pain to my husband.  Some of y'all bring death on a regular basis, and you probably don't realize the extent of the damage you're causing.

Our words are either death or they are life.  I know that I don't want to bring death to my husband and I'm sure y'all don't either.  Start examining what you say more closely; think before you speak, even- maybe especially- when you're comfortable in your setting.  Speak life!

More precious than rubies

I love to snuggle up with my husband in the evenings and watch a good show on Netflix.  It’s just so nice to curl up with him and relax after a day of running around the house doing whatever needs doing, running the kids wherever they need to go, making sure homework gets done, dinner is fixed and cleaned up, etc.  It’s comforting.  It’s safe.  It’s my happy place.  We sit together and unwind while watching comedies and crime, love stories and life stories.  

Most of the things we watch involve couples of various ages and stages.  Most of the time, my husband and I look at each other and say, wow, I’m so glad we aren’t like that as a couple!  So many of the couples portrayed on television these days are a less than stellar example of what a loving, committed couple should look like.  We as wives need to be careful of who we look up to in this fallen world.    Often, the couples on TV are disrespectful of each other, quick to anger and defense, and selfishness prevails rather than love and compassion.  The “virtuous wife” spoken of in Proverbs 31:10 is indeed hard to find if you’re looking at the television.  Our society glorifies their definition of “strong women.”  The definition of a strong woman according to today’s society seems to be this: a woman who leads her man around by his nose, telling him what to do and how to do it, doing what she wants when she wants to do it, and generally living life on her own terms.  Television characters like Laura on the Walking Dead, Lily on How I Met Your Mother, Cersei Lannister on Game of Thrones, Temperance Brennen on Bones, and Alison on Medium are examples of society’s definition and ideal as far as strong women are concerned.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with watching these shows, but I do think that we need to be very careful about idealizing these characters and emulating them.  It should be our daily prayer as wives for the Lord to shape us into the biblical version of a strong woman. 

If you read through Proverbs 31:10-31, you will see exactly how God defines a strong woman.  His Word tells us that this kind of woman is so valuable that she can’t even be compared to one of the most precious gemstones known to man!  I don’t know about you, but I would far rather be this valuable to my husband than to try and emulate society’s standards and fall despairingly short of God’s.  

A bold beginning

My very first blog entry.  You'd think I would pick something innocuous to talk about; how to better organize your time, maybe, or respecting your husband more, etc.  Nope.  My first blog is going to be about sex.  S. E. X.  Why, you ask?  Because we don't talk about it enough in the right context!

If you're like me, you were raised in a home where sex was sort of a taboo topic.  Sure, we knew what it was (well, mostly anyway) and that it happened around us, but we didn't *gasp* talk about it out loud.  Heaven forbid.  My best friend and I couldn't even say the word sex, so we made up a code word!  But that's so ridiculous!  Growing up not talking about it and viewing sex as something to be kept under the table and as something dirty did not do me any favors as an adult.  It didn't do my husband any favors either because I couldn't tell him what I wanted or that I wanted!  Sex is an important part of marriage and it's healthy to talk to your spouse about it.  If we can't talk to our spouse about our needs and desires our sex life will suffer.  Ladies, the number one way in which your husband feels truly connected to you emotionally is during sex.  Personally, I want to show my husband how much I love him in every way I can.  This meant that I had to get over that fear of talking about sex.  When I did, my goodness!  What a world opened up for us!  Sure, there's a learning curve, but we were learning together and it was fun!  I felt like a teenager again!

We've got to get over this idea that sex is dirty and disgusting and that we shouldn't speak of it.  Sex within marriage is one of God's gifts to us.  We truly can become one flesh and even be worshipful during sex with our spouse.  It isn't something to be hidden and talked about in hushed tones like it's forbidden and disgusting.  Sex is a beautiful thing between two people who love each other and are committed to loving each other.  I want my kids to know that sex in marriage is a good thing; a healthy thing; and that it isn't something to be ashamed of.  I want them to know how to talk about sex and sexual matters comfortably so that they can develop a healthy attitude towards sex and empower their future spouses to be open about it as well.

It's even important to God that we talk about sex.  There's a whole book of the Bible full of beautiful imagery related to marital sex!  We don't talk about that book in the Bible either!  Song of Solomon is a beautifully written dialogue between a husband and wife.  It's loving and tender, passionate and erotic.  If God saw fit to guide one of the wisest men who ever lived (Solomon) to write a book about sex then surely we should be able to discuss it and use the wisdom in that book to guide our sexual experience!

So, there it is folks.  My first blog entry.  I hope y'all enjoyed it!  Come back now, ya hear?